My fingers are shivering as type this, hot tears streaming down...

I was so very happy just few months ago...And while it was bad before the shortlived happiness, it has gotten far worse now..Im at my deepest stage of depression right now..I'll be mad in no time soon..Having noone to share this with certainly will speed that up..

Im in no position to be a good mom & daughter at this current stage..

Everything's falling apart..I've never been so down before..My heart is breaking into pieces...

How i wish, things have gone way differently back then..Im not ashame of it..I , i confess, i regret everything..You all may laugh but this, i really got to learn..This is my fight..Im so tired, i have no strength to do so..Running away may not be the wisest choice..But this is what i have to do, to straighthen myself up, to build my confidence.I know im losing it but i can't help it..I've had suicidal thoughts but no, my kids still need me. My parents still want me..Only the person that i truly want doesn't want me enough like before..Im at my wits end..I don't know what i should do..Is this really the end or is this all a joke, a test? I wished i had treated my friends better, im sure they are laughing right this minute..My only confidante is not with me, she, the one who will tell me, '' be strong, pick urself up! don't lose it! '' but she's not here to tell me to. Im running around in circles, searching for a place to hide, to escape from this all..Allah, pls help me. Please show me the way, guide me to the path where i'll learn to accept all this and truly move on.....