you were my eyes when i couldn't see
you were my air when i couldn't breathe


RiaSabrina/NanaCyber. Twenty. Married To My Teenage Sweetheart. Together For Almost Seven Years, Married For Nearly Four. Mum To Two Adorable Kids. I Love Them To Death. They Are My Reason For Living.

CUPCAKE(S) DROPPIN BY



My Life, My Joy, My Everything.
My Dearest,Most Sweetest Husband, Ramadhan.
My Beautiful Daughter, Nur Alesha Adriana. 23nov06.
My Dashing Son, Muhammad Adryan Shah. 06dec07.



Thursday, August 2, 2007, 11:59 AM

i think im suffering from depresion.
noone really knows what im going through.
had a huge conflict yesterday. cried my eyes out.
felt so helpless. noone to turn to. not even him.
in fact, the one who i hoped i could turn to, didn't even try.
he thinks his right. his family is right. i am wrong all the time.
sometimes i just stare at the walls blankly and ask myself why i sacrificed so much to please him and his family even if it upsets me. when he couldn't even do one simple thing called SUPPORT just for me.
the thought of just giving up and cancelling everything has been lingering in my mind.
im sick. sick of handling all these stuffs alone. how do i breathe? im suffocating. seriously. if only i could drop dead now.
after fights he says i love yous. am i suppose to believe that? again? after all he said to me on the phone knowin that he's hurtin me so much.
yet, he's ego is much much bigger than his love. he chose not to give in. he don't even care.
as long he doesn't show his emotional side too much. so why should i care?
i went through so much for him. yet he thinks i did nothing.
if only i have not met you. i guess my life would be much easier now. but i wouldn't have her.
the one i love with all my heart now. the one im so scared to lose. my precious daughter.
its okay if i lose you. but no, i want her with me. im crying up till now. i don't know why. i can't stop. it seems like im worthless to you. u said that u had more things to think of than i do. try being a mother and u'll know. i may be stayin at home and doing nothing. but im sure as hell im doing more than you. if you don't believe me, we can try switching. and then u can talk. apart from handling her, im doing so much things. non stop naggings from granny who thinks im not tired and expect me to do everything. but i didn't complain did i? i poured my feelings to you.
but you seem to just ignore it and think that i can handle that as its only a small problem.
you only care about your feelings. not mine. to you, as long as you've given me your love, that is enough. but no. i need more than love fucktard. i need you..to be here with me..guiding me through this..but no.....u're not there....


CAN I JUST KILL MYSELF NOW???????
ARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.